The best of both worlds: a black woman for President. Ophelia Gato is officially announcing as a Democatic candidate for President. Over the course of this blog, she will outline her views on the issues and campaign.
In the meantime, she will be meeting with the people of America. Her grassroots campaign will show that Ophelia Gato has what it takes to run a nation or at least a house.
Ophelia on the Issues
- On Open Borders: I will walk and urinate across the U.S. border with Mexico to keep illegals from crossing.
- National Security: The grey cat that roams in the front yard is a threat to security.
- Healthcare: No one should have to travel in a box to the Dr. and use the bathroom on themselves. Dr. Will will come to everyone's house.
- On Poverty: Two squares a day for everyone, at 4:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m.
- National Security: Birds are also a threat.
- The Environment: Daily clean up for litter box and supports legislation to restore boxes uncleaned for a week to usefulness.
- On Hollywood: Dogs are indecent and should be banned from movies. They go everywhere and don't use a box.
- Spanish as a Second Language: "Meow", that is all you need to know.
- National Security: These are troubled times. The grey cat, birds and the box I ride in are an axis of evil to be dealt with.
- Homosexuality: Lord Barker says it is immoral to even have sex organs and I don't go in for those kind. I think the grey cat is unneutered.
3 comments:
Dear Mrs. Gato,
As I lazily ate my breakfast in my Arthur Court fud bowl, I read your blog with great interest. Since Colbert dropped out of the race, I have been searching for a presidential candidate for this year. I am thrilled to be able to vote in this cycle-ROCK THE VOTE! However, I have been dismayed to see a bitch involved in the democratic race, and the republican side is already filled with so many pussies. So good to see a well qualified candidate in the democratic field. While my parents raised me as a republican (my father is a business owner providing many jobs and economic stimulus and my mother is a pearl wearing stay at home mother who dedicates her time to the Junior League), I have a tremendous sense of guilt to have the affluence, and therefore I feel that I must support a demoCAT.
Your positions are very similar to mine regarding national security, poverty. I realize you are an older gato, and I am a much younger gato and I feel you identify with my plight in life. So refreshing to see someone who doesn't merely pander to the masses, yet has a firm stance on the plague of dogs in this country! They are stinky, slobbery and boorish and must be dealt with.
I am therefore pledging my support to you as my candidate of choice. I have started talking to the ferrets but I suspect that since they are not as smart as I am, that their vote can be easily swayed. At worst, it can be bought with a peppermint patty and a ride to the polls. I will persuade Teenage Kitty, Ugly Kitty, Mavis and Rocky the Raccoon to pledge their support as they come to my house today for tea and fud.
I am certain of your imminent victory and would humbly submit my own name as your head of the CIA. I am very familiar with all hiding spots and sniff out all new packages to the house to detect which enemies have touched them.
Thank you for your fresh ideas and finally presenting a catidate I can fully support. I was scared that I was going to have to vote for Ron Paul.
Yours truly,
Gracie Boo Geiger-Donohoo
Samson, the Great Dane of McLean, is shocked by your insensivity toward dogs, especially since he has graciously accepted into his home two cats that would, in all likelihood, just as easliy make excellent dental floss.
Woof!
Whoa! Wait a minute! There are other Catidates out there. Like Oliver Twist, who is black and white, and although not a female, he is not really a male any longer. Furthermore, he grew up hard, rising from the underbelly of a vet's office in Chapel Hill to become one BIG, BAD kitty. Weighing in at 22 lbs, he is 3 times the cat Opelia is. (yes, I said, Opelia, that's what we call her in VA. His vice president will be Little Bit (who is bigger, badder and meaner than Opelia, too). She comes from a mixed background, in fact, she does not even know where she came from, but she is a master at taking tough men and turning them into kitty lovers. She will be great at International relations. And speaking of national security, you don't even mention the terrorists, the truly evil people out there who harm animals like Michael Vick. We'll make sure their sentences include spending the rest of their days in a cat cage, not just a jail cell. And for you democats who don't want to vote for a too liberal kitty, Oliver is more middle of the road, with no way out religious agendas. So, today is SUPER TUESDAy. I know Oliver has the RepubliCATS support. Let's see how you do for your party. And not all dogs are bad.
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